The Testing of my Faith

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

I don’t know if my faith has ever been tested as much as it has been in the last three months. After I lost my husband in 2010 I spent many years in grief, then a lingering depression. Yet in all those times I never doubted that God was with me and had a plan for my life.

As recently as July of this year, I felt that God had brought me out of the dark times in my life and I was now living in the light of His blessings. Things were going amazingly well.

Then in August, my tower of faith began to tumble, one brick at a time. I’ve shared much of the struggles over the past few months in previous blog posts, so I won’t get into the details here.

I think my faith was tested in every way possible.

Well, I thought it had been every way possible.

Now as I face a health challenge and uncertainty about the results, I find that my faith is wavering.

The “What-Ifs” are building up this health problem into the worst case scenarios even as I try to tell myself it’s probably nothing and will easily be resolved. It’s human nature to worry, to want to control the outcome anything we come up against.

Then as our plans start to crumble, we realize how little control we have over some areas of our life.

God is faithful.

He is a good God.

He has a plan for my future.

He is my Provider.

He is my Healer.

I believe these promises for a fact.

Yet I know that everything doesn’t go according to “MY” plan.

I can’t see beyond today to know what “HIS” plan is for me. But I can trust in His unfailing love.

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